Yesterday was a very difficult day, it was the sort of day you don’t really want to happen. I am sure you know what I mean. It is when you are told something and reality suddenly hits very hard.
I had an appointment to see my stroke consultant. What I didn’t realise was how the conversation would pan out and how devastated the conversation would make me feel. It turns out that the heart operation has in fact slowed down the frequency of the TIA’s or mini strokes happening. You see I haven’t been very honest with you all as I was in fact suffering a TIA at least once a week. Not running to the hospital every 5 minutes as I never realised what was happening it wasn’t till someone told me that I even knew about the episodes.
These TIA’s have taken their toll on me in more ways than 1. Like for instance I can’t climb the stairs anymore and getting to bed is such a struggle as my bedroom is on the top floor. My husband has to push me upstairs as I climb on my hands and knees up the stairs. We are now moving our bedroom to the middle floor so to make things easier for me. I struggle to hold a kettle so we had to get a hot water dispenser. I can’t get in and out of the bath so we are looking into getting a walk in shower.
Then there is my mobility I am so unsteady on my feet and constantly loose my balance. The consultant yesterday suggested a walking stick which I am currently using and the next step will be a zimmer frame to aid my mobility. I can’t walk very far and get very breathless and tired very easily. It’s like I am trapped in an old person’s body.
The reality is this is me now, things won’t really improve. Now its all about learning a new way of doing things, coming to terms with it all. Realising that I am not the same person things have changed and so must I . Reality has definitely hit hard. I walked out of the hospital totally devastated. I know it’s not the end of the world, but it’s just trying to come to terms with it all.