As everyone is preparing for Christmas and getting excited for the big day‚ I’m just not feeling it. I am feeling very down‚ deflated and so fed up. I don’t know why I am feeling like this except i hate winter and all that comes with it the dreary days‚ the dark nights. I am very much a sun person.
I have these thoughts and sometimes I feel that the world will be a better place without me‚ I have really dark days and have been through severe depression. The thoughts do go away but they still rear their ugly head at times. I am finding it hard to cope with everything that life is throwing at me. The countless appointments‚ meetings‚ etc. I know its for the good of the kids and that it is one of the down sides to having children with additional needs but sometimes I just want my life back. I don’t want to be a slave to the diary for this and that appointment. I want to be able to go and do what I want but this isn’t to be.
So right at this minute I am not into the Christmas spirit its all gone. I would never take the magic away for the kids‚ but to me its just not there. I am fed up with the constant bickering amongst the kids‚ the fact yet again they have trashed their room‚ through having a meltdown. Zak constantly screaming for hours on end. Its all so demanding .
So for the I am just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year‚ but I don’t really know what to do to get it back either.