I Could Just Sit and Cry

February 9, 2012 | Blog

I honestly don’t know what is going on, it feels like everyone is moving forward and I’m just stuck in reverse gear. I am struggling so much with everything, I think the combination of not being well and stress isn’t helping. I really do and try to do best for my family but sometimes it doesn’t feel I am really doing anything. I’m not strong I am crumbling very very fast.

I’m feel as though I’m between the devil and the deep blue sea. Each way is dead ends. I’m upset that nearly every single service re Zak is stopping due to these cuts. Here is a 2 year old boy with autism/disabled who needs input/therapy but one by one the therapy is stopping. My latest kick in the teeth is we were unable to get funding for his taxi to take him to a specialised nursery for disabled children once a week. I can’t take him on the bus as he wouldn’t be safe or cope. Thanks to the cuts, they don’t think how it affects people in everyday life.

Then there is my stroppy tween she is giving us such a hard time, I realise that her hormones are all over the place and running wild but I am fed up with the attitude. I also know it must be extremely difficult for her to have 3 siblings that are autistic and I do try to let her lead a normal life as possible. As well as this the kids have been on a destruction marathon and have broke umpteen things this last week but what is worst they have smashed some ornaments that my Grandparents gave me of course they can’t be replaced.

I’m tired, stressed and just want to sit and cry. I don’t want to feel like this any more I want to be happy and things to go well just once. I would like things to change

27 Comments

Charlotte Everiss
February 9, 2012 at 10:36 am

This is the problem with cut backs – they fail to consult the people that actually use, need and depend on the services. Officials get together in their corporate suits in offices in Whitehall and sip filtered coffee unoblivious to the people outside who without these services are denied access to services they have a right to.

It is everything that is wrong about this country and I cannot imagine how angry, hurt, upset and furious you are at losing yet another vital lifeline for you and your son.

As for your tween it must be incredibly hard for her and you cannot be with everyone every single minute of the day; I hope that you can shift the nasty illness you’ve been having and at least start to have this part of the fog lifted so that the weight of the other things seems easier to bear.

Stay strong and I am always thinking of you and your family x
- Wendy
  February 9, 2012 at 11:02 am
  
  Thank you for your lovely comment
  
  Yes they don’t realise what affect it has on joe public do they , thank you xx
anne
February 9, 2012 at 10:47 am

I can empathise with you totally (((hugs))) sometimes a good cry is the only way to get it all out of your system. I hope that when your illness clears up you can start seeing things a brighter light.
- Wendy
  February 9, 2012 at 11:00 am
  
  Thank you for your comment.
  
  I think its the fact I feel so run down that it is all getting to me. It will soon be spring – new beginnings
lynda@orchardtoys
February 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

Wendy, you are stronger than you think and I know you will cope, but it just doesn’t seem fair that you have to cope with so much! But, hey, when was life fair?

Are there any alternative sources of funding, such as charities, local or not, that you could ask for help with funding a taxi to take your boy to his special school? I am sure somebody in twittersphere would know if there is.

In the meantime, lots of hugs and keep talking. Sharing it with us possibly won’t solve your problems but it will help you, I’m sure.
- Wendy
  February 9, 2012 at 10:59 am
  
  Thank you Lynda
  
  Yes it has helped writing it all down. Yes will look into some funding thanks xx
Designfault
February 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

Sit down,have a cry,have a scream.dont bottle it up.you are a fantastic mummy.You have an incredible amount to cope with.You are doing a wonderful job and should be proud of yourself.You need more support and its disgusting that you are not getting it.keep your chin up ay :0)
- Wendy
  February 9, 2012 at 10:57 am
  
  Thanks Jamie for your kind words.
  
  Its just got me how they are sort of turning their backs on Zak when he needs help.
Rebecca
February 9, 2012 at 10:56 am

Oh no! So sorry to hear that. You’ve got so much to deal with no wonder you’re feeling like that. Hope there is someone toy can talk to about it all.
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm
  
  Thank you lovely xx
wendy
February 9, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Hi Wendy.

You handling things in the right way! don’t worry!!!! Bottling emotions ups is never the right way to handle it, have a good couple of days wallowing and crying, be angry at the sods that cut the budget but then you WILL pick yourself back up and work a way around the cuts and you’ll get the help zac needs; because you have the most amazing inner strength ever!!

I would also look into more respite care. We have Crossroads every week and we use their sitting service. They put daniel and joe to bed while we go out. You’ll obviously have to get the funding to cover 3 children but this for use is bringing us back from breaking/crisis point.

you will recover, look after yourself xxxxxxxxxx
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm
  
  Hi Wendy thanks for your comment
  
  We received respite a few hours one day a month, on the first day she said it had been stopped due to cuts. Then we got it back but she went on long term sick so never received any respite.
  
  I am so pleased your able to get out , yes hubs and me were at breaking point in our relationship just before Christmas . Its not nice is it xxx
TheMadHouse
February 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I wish I had words that would help, but I do not. I really feel for you
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm
  
  Thank you for your support x
Karen Mumford BecandChar
February 9, 2012 at 3:26 pm

That was me 12 months ago. My heart goes out to you. It will get better….I promise. xx
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm
  
  Thank you that gives me a lot of hope xx
Lou Strachan (@Bobbity666)
February 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

It must be so hard. Cutbacks never seem to cutback in the right places x
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm
  
  Thank you for your comment Lou so true x
Daphne
February 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Thinking of you. I want to live in a society where your son’s taxi is provided and paid for! And I’ll be happy if some of the tax I pay goes to pay for it.
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm
  
  Thank you for the lovely comment x
Not a Notting Hill Mum
February 9, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time – you have had to fight in many ways for your children – and sometimes it all becomes too much. Even if the cuts are not reversed you will feel better again because you are clearly someone who always copes – You are very entitled to have your off/low days though – you are only human!
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm
  
  Thank you for your comment
  
  yes they just don’t realise what these cuts do to people I beat their not missing out on things x
Steph
February 10, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Hugs from here too. Have you got anyone local you can talk to over a cuppa? Or even on the phone – I’ll send you my number if you like?! The cuts are wrong, but you must look after yourself first as you need to be well enough to look after them. Take a breather, sit down – relaly, what will happen if you don’t do the 10th thing or even the 2nd thing on your list (I’m guessing the 1st is relaly important, like on mine…!)? Then after a rest, I’d go and move any ornaments or anything precious to you and put them away, just for now. Destruction periods come and go here, so you may just need to save things until you work out the best place for them. Little changes sometimes help?
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm
  
  Thank you for your comment
  
  I will have a rest and re organise things so they can ‘t get to them . Thanks lovely xx
Kathy Jagger
February 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Hi Wendy,

I wish the government could see how these cuts affect real families.

I’m sorry that you are feeling so bad at the minute. If you had a bit of support it might help relieve some of the pressure but I know that has been taken away from you. Have you tried contact a family – they have a website and a facebook page. They have a free and confidential helpline. I have used them before and maybe they could give you suggestions or put you in touch with someone local that could help (they have local volunteers).

I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this but you are in my thoughts a lot as I feel you don’t get any support that I feel you should be getting. You do a great job for your children and someone should see this and give you some support.

Take care hun

Kathy x
- Wendy
  February 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm
  
  Thank you for your lovely comment Kathy
  
  I will try a contact a family thanks, of course I don’t mind I appreciate the support xxx
Rhoda
February 11, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Sending you big hugs Wendy xx