Are They Naughty ?

March 7, 2012 | Blog

How many times have we looked at a child having a tantrum and thinking they are naughty and that the parents have control over the child, we are all guilty of it as some time or other.

Are they naughty ?

We never stopped to think that there could be a reason for their behaviour as a society we are so quick to judge others.

This is one of the reasons I try to raise awareness of autism and the fact that people are different, to help stop this way of thinking. I am a mum to 4 children, my 3 youngest have learning difficulties, global delay development and are autistic, my youngest who is 2 years old is also physically disabled. As a mum to these special children we up against this ignorance day in and day out. People look at the children in their special needs buggies and automatically assume they are too old for a buggy. What they fail to realise is the fact my children would be in a lot of pain if they had to walk long distances. Sometimes my son can’t even walk to the end of the street without being in pain let alone walk a distance.

Then there are the general looks and stares we get when they start screaming. Listen I am sure if they could stop they would. There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your child in distress as they can’t make sense of the world around them are having a sensory overload. They are different and the see the world in a completely unique perspective from you and I.

My children have very little social skills and don’t cope in some settings/situations. So for what ever reason whether its a sensory overload, the children have a tantrum ” as society puts it ” . This is no ordinary tantrum a meltdown is very draining on both child and parents. They develop a super strength and it takes all my strength to hold them down at times, to stop them physically hurting themselves as they bang their head on anything possible, or just throw themselves on to the ground.

So why do people who can obviously see that something isn’t right start laughing and giving their so called opinion. Don’t you realise that your comments hurt and upset, many a time I have gone down the road crying because of a nasty comment about the kids or my parenting skills. Autism is NOT from bad parenting nor is it contagious. The children are not naughty.

I do care about my children I will so anything possible for them. My life is controlled by a strict routine, appointments, meetings, Isn’t it time we all took 2 minutes to learn about autism and people that are different. It could make a life time of difference to a parent like me. I don’t have naughty children just very challenging children

4 Comments

Leigh Forbes
March 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I was once given a vicious dressing down in the supermarket about my (NT) daughter’s screaming. She can split ears, so I could sympathise with his discomfort, but really… He gave me a long, angry, Daily-Mail-reader type admonishment about how I was a bad parent, and how she was going to grow up all kinds of wrong, and how his wife’s grandchild never screamed like that (note: his wife’s grandchild. Mmm). All the while I had tears pouring down my face.

Staff and shoppers ran to my rescue. The manager was called, and our friend was escorted through the tills and out of the shop (showing no remorse). For the rest of my time in the shop, people stopped me to offer their support. One young woman said she’d told him to fkoff ) I’ve often wondered they’d have done the same if my daughter had been special needs, or whether people would have turned away, to embarrassed to intervene.

I am sorry for the looks you get. I get them too, for my own autism, and I wish people weren’t so damned ignorant.
Fiona
March 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

You are so right to raise this important point. Society as a whole is far too quick to label and judge children’s behaviour as “naughty” when there’s almost always another reason, whether the child is autistic, special in some other way, or apparently “normal”. So-called bad behaviour is so often caused by tiredness, hunger, fear, confusion or frustration in a child too young or inarticulate to express these feelings in the ways an adult would. And in fact, many adults become rude in their speech or actions in similar situations! A great post.
Iain M Cooke
March 7, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I really wish i could say that things will get better, i truly hope that people will learn not to judge but the first impression will always be badly behaved child and not anything else.Why should you have to explain? justify their behaviour? And why should you avoid those situations either?
i know a young girl who has just turned 18, she has Aspergers plus other medical conditions. She gets very promiscous, her life ambition is to be on page 3.Her behaviour is so bad that i used to avoid the places where i knew that she would be.A young teacher was sacked after a short relationship with her(they both have Aspergers)and was charged with under age sex.She has been done for assault twice but been let off as well when *allowances for her* were made.
Her mother copes but dreads the phone ringing when the daughter is out.
Should her mother pre warn people of her possible behaviour? She has changed Drs surgeries three times because they cannot cope with the hassle that comes with the two of them.
People judge first then dependant on their level of compassion, experience and decency offer their help (not very likely i know)
But awareness needs to happen, attitudes to disability are generally better but a long way from acceptable in a society that should slow down..care less about celebrity and help those around them.
Iain xx
jontybabe
March 7, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Another brilliant post Wendy. People are too quick to judge – these type of people are not worth our tears. xxx